Back on the Meds

Doctor’s Orders

Yes, it’s true.  I’m back on the medications, and I’ve been spending a little time in anger management classes as well.  In fact once you’re in the institution, the management training comes at no extra charge.

But I got out, on one condition, well actually several conditions and the new Lindsay Lohan autographed electric anklet is one of them.  The other ‘conditions’ cover a few small problem areas I have like posting angry diatribes on the web, or sinking into remorse as I contemplate philosophical issues relating to spending money.  Not that these things are illegal, they just aren’t healthy for a person with my, delicate, condition.  So now I’ve sworn off ridiculing the overpriced field of higher education as it seems to have fallen into the televangelist realm of realism and….ohhhh!  That hurt.  The orderly with the electric switch has now sent the anklet into kill mode. 

I may have forgotten to mention, one of the conditions of release includes a stay at home orderly with a very big remote control switch that he uses to keep my electric current flowing when needed, or when not needed, his opinion.  So, I will no longer write about college education or the problem we have as a lemming society who buys what we are told to buy and…, ohhhh!!!!  It was the orderly again.  And the insurance company doesn’t cover this expense, can you believe it.  OHHHH!!!  Wow, I guess he enjoys his work, he’s smiling.

Okay, let me start over.  Today I will write about traveling, might as well, the orderly and I are now going to take the dog for a walk.  I like this, I have the dog on a leash, she has the leash in her mouth and so drags me where she wants to go, and the orderly follows behind with switch in hand, making sure, metaphorically, I go where he wants too.  Now I don’t know if the smile he is wearing means he is happy with my progress or he is about to… OHHHH!

I am a good, good boy.  I will not write about people with more money, power or influence than I have.  Lesson learned.  Now I will write about walking the dog in the neighborhood and communing with nature, even if the people driving by have thrown trash out their.. .  Ohhh that smarts.  And I like looking at all of the new cars as they drive by, and I wave and wish that I too could buy a new car, if I pass rehabilitation 101 (the orderly). 

The dog likes having company on our stroll and she has learned how to get the orderly to pull the switch whenever she is ready for another biscuit.  It was kind of like Pavlov in reverse.   She wants, he sends the electric current, I pull a dog biscuit out of my pocket.  It only took about three tries before I realized that I was not supposed to actually eat the biscuit, just pass it along to the dog.  The only problem with the entire training session was simple, we ran out of dog cookies very fast so I got to experience the current many times before the others would believe me.  Then I had to run home as fast as I could and get some more, and it basically became a repeatable process.  I ran home and collected some goodies, I ran back to the team and upon command distributed the catch (to both dog and orderly), then I ran home and found more items to bring to the feast.  When my wife got home, and the orderly passed the electric dispensing baton to her, well, then the current did flow when she found nothing left for dinner in the house.

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, he is attempting is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.