How to Make a Seven Fish Feast in Three Easy Lessons

Or How I Learned to Prepare La Vigilia…, My Way

 As lore goes, the Feast of the Seven Fishes – commonly referred to as La Vigilia – began centuries ago in southern Italy and today has grown into a custom celebrated by Italians throughout the world.  Now my parents were Sicilian and so if that isn’t southern Italian I don’t know what is, and eating fish, Catholic or not (of course we were), was standard operating procedure.  For me it didn’t matter, I liked fish, but apparently (one learns this as they grow up) others are not so accepting or, heaven forbid, they don’t cook it the same way and this can lead to trouble or at least the age old question; how do you like your baccala?

Many people have either a limited cooking ability or a narrow list of seafood favorites and you will find those with Seven Fish Feast that includes lobster…, and nothing else.  Of course lobster isn’t a fish, but that isn’t the real issue here anyway.  This issue is really; how many fish can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck fish.  In other words, the art of home maintenance, (read: kitchen acumen) is dying.  Very few these days can do more than take the package out of the freezer and throw it into the microwave.  Lucky for my wife, I am not one of those.  I like to cook, and since at one point in time I was a scientist too, I liked to experiment while I cooked. 

Like most scientific efforts, the experiments are used to write papers, whether they worked or not, and so when it came to a major holiday event, like La Vigilia, well sometimes pragmatic husband overrode mad scientist and so I opted to get help in preparing the wonderful meal that was to include seven.

First there was baccala.  Not much help really needed here; after all it is just salted cod, right?  And everyone knows what to do with salted cod.  I mean heck, there are millions of ways one can prepare salted cod, each as easy as the last style you tried once before, and wrote a paper on the results.   You can put it in a stew or soup, a salad or heck; you can even toss it in a casserole or two.  Most people will soak the dried fish in water for a few days to lose the sea salt, so again, this is easy, you just take out a big pan, fill it with water, through in the salted beast and start soaking.  I usually start this process on the Friday after Thanksgiving.  Then there are those ‘others’, the ones who like it salted, or dry as a bone, we won’t talk about them here. 

Of course there is a dish that I do not think I will ever again see done as well as my mother’s version and that is ‘Pasta con le Sarde’.  Forgive me a moment of fond reflection.  I’m back, and I have to say that was a wonderful dish full of fresh sardines and.., PASTA.  In fact I liked it so much I use it in chapter XXXI (Sardines, Anchovies or Cannolies) in my book By Any Means.  I will not even attempt this dish for it is too hard to cook memories.

Now, even without the sardines the list of fish resources to use in one feast is enormous and that is where help is needed, I mean what if you select, calamari, scungulli, clams, muscles, octopus, eel, shrimp, oh did I mention gefilte fish and lox (we are a mixed marriage after all), and you haven’t even gotten to the main course yet.  How can one prepare all of these treats in a manner that will bring out the best of each and, while multitasking, still have time to press the grapes and ferment the extract for brandy (I’ll get to that in another blog).  For me, this is where I sought help and in so doing I learned how to prepare Sushi, from an expert.

Now, he said he was an expert, and not being trained in the art, and living out in the wilds of New Jersey, how was I to know.  He did work in the Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thia, Brazilian fast food diner near where I live.  He also renders dead animals for the county in his spare time.  “The trick,” he said, “is to know your Wasabi.” 

I wasn’t really sure which religious denomination Wasabi falls into, I have enough trouble keeping all the holidays my wife and I have melded together in any semblance of order, but not wishing to offend the cook I just nodded my head in the affirmative and the lesson continued.  He then showed me how to cut sirloin and quarter-loins from the stock.  Now, I don’t really know much about fish, but this one must have been flown in from the pacific because it had four legs and a tail, but once we got the flow going the stuff was cut up in a hurry and thrown in the pot.  A few hours later we had baccala stew, or so he told me and this brings us back to the start…, there are millions of ways people will cook baccala to get you to eat it.  Try some, you’ll like it.

With a smile I return to my favorite quote:

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, he is  attempting is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

University Costs 101

Too Much News, Too Little Time

Too much news, too little time.  What to do.  What to do. What to do.  Await the coffee is always accounted for in my daily schedule, can’t really do anything without that, but then with cup in hand, which page do I start on?

Of course the Wikileaky guy is in the news, always is these days, he and the Kardashians make the headlines all the time.  Which one was it on the red carpet again telling the world their wedding cake had dangerous stones on it, and which one is hiding in a bunker in Switzerland?  Hell, I had stones in my kidneys and only the doctors took my picture, and no, I do not have a Swiss army knife.  I digress….  

There is a new virus running around that some fear will be the end of all computer traffic known to man, or just delay the nuclear development in Iran, whichever comes first.  Oh heaven forbid, back to the dark ages we go? 

And then there is that interesting bit about college football.  No, it is not the selection of teams to play in holiday bowl games.  It is that preposterous idea making the rounds that someone in college sports is being paid to make money for the ‘not for profit’ group to which he/she is under contract (or is that enrolled?).

While I ponder all of these extremely important issues of the day the dog sits nearby with her leash in her mouth, staring at me in a manner similar to the wife whenever I have neglected my household chores.

So off we go on this rather brisk morning (read: cold enough to make me put on two pairs of pants) for a jaunt through the neighborhood and as we walk past the intersection separating our cloister from the rest of the world one thing comes to mind.  I forgot “my proper cup of coffee made in a proper copper coffee pot.”  Merde!

For the dog, the colder the better, after all she is a Labrador Retriever.  For me, all I can do is curse the wife for leaving me behind with the animal while she is off at work earning money to keep me fed.  What nerve!

After a half mile or so of vetching to myself I turn to the dog, once her nose is up out of the pile of deer excrement, and ask, “What do you want to talk about?”  The dog chews on that for a while as she finishes her mouthful and as I drag her along to greener pastures I get the idea that she, like most, wants to discuss the Kardashians. 

“Again,” I shout?  “PLEASE!  Of all the headlines that is the one I do not have a twitter on, (I forget if it is Cim or Kloe who doesn't like me) so how the heck can I be up to date?  I mean if Kourtney Kardashian is wearing an outfit bought at the mall I've got to know.  Like, can you believe a Kardash shops at a mall (or is that 'like a Moll')?  But if no one in the paparazzi is there to photograph her, well; did the bear shit or not?  Hard to tell when the question rings philosophical, eh?”

The dog raises her head and sniffs the air around us, letting me know that to air is divine, and to critique, well..., that is common now isn’t it.  Then she licks her lips letting me know that I should have had my cuppa joe.

So to appease her I got off of the Kardash subject and looked around hoping to find a neighbor, or two, outside on such a frigid day who would be happy enough to pet the dog while I stomped my feet, but alas, no one seemed to want to be out on such a morning and this brought me back to wondering how my daughter was doing at college and this of course led to the issues with paying those who play football in college (minor league anyone) and then on to the more important issue; how can an average Joe without his cuppa Joe pay for college itself.  (One sentence, can you believe it?).

If colleges want to work in a ‘non profit’ environment how is it that their rates go up every year even in a down economy where recession is rampant?  How is it that they have placed their product outside the realm of middle class citizens and yet demand payment?  How is it that those who purport themselves to be bastions of intellect and the advancement of the human condition allow for the collapse of the middle class at a rate that exceeds any other threat?  If they are a non profit why is it those who run each and every institution are making, on average, 15 to twenty times the salary of the parents they are driving to the poor house.  That is right, college presidents are making 1MM plus..., are you?  Don’t worry they say, there are loans.  Of course the entire country’s recession is based upon people borrowing money at a rate that exceeds their income potential, but the intelligent ones in the Ivory towers tell you to borrow, borrow, borrow!  We saved money to send our kids to school.  We saved a lot of money for our kids education, roughly twenty times what it took to send us to college way back when.  The totals we saved, saved per child, is more than a years' salary for us.  So it is not like we did not try, but all of this money pays for less than one half of a four year college tuition. 

Now, a large number of universities have rather large endowments.  Why cannot the money in those endowments be placed in the proper investment vehicles that will return a sum of money each year (not for profit) that can be used to cut the tuition rate to allow people to enter college?  Who wants to end their time in college with the stigma of 100,000 dollar plus in loans that will be due.  Of course those wonderful Universities also have that side industry known as college football right? How much money is made each year from the college football program?  Answer that, then tell us you are 'not for profit'.  Oh, by the way, Go Auburn, your guys are above that mess, right?

Isn’t it time for the U.S. to get off the money laundering habit of University tuition and redirect our institutions of higher learning to be more along the lines of those found in Canada and Europe.  Then the government can afford to step back in and help the middle class.

Sometimes its funny and sometimes it hits home too hard to be funny.

In this case, no matter what Jim Gaffigan says, there is no bunny.

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

More from Getting Even…Almost

The WikiLeak guy is spraying his scent around again.  Now we all have to do some reading on how government officials don’t tell their fans exactly how business is conducted.  Really, no one knew this?  I threw down the gauntlet to the Widileaky guy already and he has ignored me.  Well what can I do?  It seems that the guy has never, ever worked for a living. 

What he is ‘divulging’ is basically how every business is run, closed door session or not.  So, am I surprised that Hilary is a shrew?  No, not really.  We all knew this.  But if anyone had a modicum of intelligence they read between the lines and know that when an unbalanced state procures nuclear technology everyone had better hide.  Ask the neighbors of N. Korea that. 

Anyway, he set out a load of stuff (read s. h. i….) and well, someone besides the newspaper gang has got to read it.  This will put me in a very select group of individuals…, those who actually read the Wikileaky stuff.  I think the number is up to about ten or so…, worldwide.

Yes I’m a junkie and now I just gotta go check in and read the Leaky Wikis. 

So again, I will just leave you with a page or two of the first book I wrote a few years back.  It is not yet published, but let me know what you think.

The title of the book (this can change) is ‘Getting Even… Almost’ and I’ve pasted in the first few pages Chapter 9.   Remember I pasted a few pages from the first chapter way back in early November.

Have fun.

Saverio

All I want for breakfast is a proper cup of coffee.

Inside the Rubicon on a kitchen countertop a drip-coffee pot, improperly assembled for the morning task, was gamely trying to fulfill its mission.  Francesco, dressed in his bunny slippers and robe, was in dire need of caffeine, but the machine was working too damn slow this morning for his liking.  He had crouched low so that his face was directly in front of the pot itself and watched as a steady but slow stream of light brown liquid dripped, one drop after another, into the waiting pot but the the pre-warmed mug in his hand was already starting to cool off and his back, well that had begun to ache.  He was not happy, and as the heated liquid continued to slowly find its way through the filter into the waiting pot, Francesco descended into morning purgatory, neither fully awake nor asleep.  For an unknown reason he began to hum a song that he hated, but couldn’t get out of his head.

“All I want is a proper cup of coffee, made in a proper copper coffee pot.

I may be off my dot, but I want a …”

“Enough of this shit” he muttered and straightened up.  As he did so, several out-of-alignment vertebrae in his lower back cracked and with nothing to do but wait, Francesco paced up and down the tiled floor.  He occasionally traced a loop around the island counter for variation while the aroma of the coffee that was not yet ready agitated the hell out of him. 

“We have to get a new one of these things.  This one’s too damn slow,” he said as he walked once again to the window and back while looking at his slippers. 

As he circumnavigated the kitchen to keep his mind off his immediate need, Francesco catalogued all of the additions, one by one.  The windows, tile floor, cabinets, countertops, fresh paint, baseboards, trim, refrigerator (not that theirs needed replacing, but he figured a bigger unit would be handy for the business.  After all, a bigger unit is always better, especially when it comes time to brag) and soon maybe the coffee maker.  In rhythm to the cataloging, he practiced deep breathing exercises trying to stay calm.  Unfortunately for Francesco, he was fighting a losing battle, for there was merely one week until the first guests arrived.  Consequently, his insides had really been turning over of late.  “Why the hell did I ever invite those people?  I hate them all, or at least the ones I know!”  His slippers refused to comment. 

The whole house had needed major repairs and they started with the kitchen.  He remembered what a chore it had been getting all the workmen lined up- the plumber, electrician, inspectors and carpenters.  Francesco had had the whole plan in his head and while difficult to explain to others, he thought he’d succeeded laying out the big picture for Rachel.  The strokes of the paintbrush had been layered onto the canvas and then, as a magnanimous gesture of collaboration and teamwork, he stepped aside to let her handle the details.  He was the thinker and she was operations.  It worked well for him that way.  Besides, he needed time to find the extra accoutrements needed to give the business its flair.  There the Internet had been his friend. 

He liked the way the kitchen turned out.  The deep windowsills, in the kitchen and throughout the house were particularly attractive to him.  Here in the kitchen, potted plants occupied the sills.  He moved some of these over and sat for a moment, feeling the sun on his shoulders.  The Mennonites added beautiful cabinetwork that enhanced the incoming light, drawing one’s attention upward, as in a great Cathedral.  They also added built-in shelves and extra cabinets along the wall and in the pantry, which gave the house sufficient storage space, he hoped, for serious entertaining.  The new appliances were set into designated spaces and blended with the counters, giving the room a sense of serenity.  Francesco liked to sit here in the early morning until the sun moved around to the southern face of the house and admire the work.  “If it wasn’t for the need to make a living, I’d be content to sit here and drink coffee all day,” he noted as he rose from the window sill and made his way to the hearth.  Then he added, “that is if I ever get coffee this morning.” 

The original fireplace, with its four-foot hearth, was the centerpiece of the room.  Francesco and Rachel attended many local auctions to find the right iron work for it.  Eventually they found what they were looking for on eBay.  Francesco opened the flue.  Soot fell out, covering his arm and contaminating his coffee mug.  “Damn.”

The property was a dump when they bought it.  “That was why it was so affordable,” Francesco reminded his slippers.  Now, looking back six months, he was pleased with how fast everything came together.  “Did you ever think we’d end up living in Pennsylvania, doing this?”

Francesco tried to remember the exact sequence of events that culminated in their current situation, but that was not easy.  He always assumed a defining event had changed the course of his life, but as he searched for a reason for this moment, each memory linked itself to an earlier event that took him farther and farther back to his earliest childhood.  But that didn’t make sense.  His current condition had to have originated in Canada.  That was when the shit hit the fan.  There was the insomnia, then the stomachaches and then nervousness that kept getting worse and worse until he made the mistake of his life.  He told his supervisor.  All he really wanted were tips on how to manage stress.  When he had asked his boss what the company could do to help him and was told to visit the Human Resources Director.  He did.

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

Black Friday on Turkey

What is the difference between a Lemming and an American?  Not much.  One Lemming says jump and what happens?  One American tells you to buy and…, everyone jumps.

How many Americans will stand in long lines, bustle about in overcrowded stores and brave the winter weather in hopes of, of what?  Getting the best deal?  If you are in the store buying, or shopping on line, well the best deal was already obtained, by the one telling you to jump.

Take for example an experienced shopping aficionado, Sarah, who, like most of the country, is very concerned about the upper class tax break.  “Hell,” she said, “make them pay!”  Of course this is not Sarah Palin who used to live in the same socioeconomic strata as this Sarah, before, that is, the political Sarah learned marketing 101 and joined the upper echelon.  No, this Sarah was, like most Americans, of the subaltern class, and also like most, was responsive to one and only one ruling class, those who hold the marketing strings.  But this Sarah had a plan, a plan to make her hard earned dollars go farther (i.e. buy more). 

"We're having Thanksgiving on Sunday,” she told her clan, “so we'll have the whole day Thursday to rest up, and by rest up I mean get those fingers stretched because on Thursday we sit down and…, crank up the internet.”  After all, to go shopping one does need to do research, and if the research wasn’t on line it was on Twit b/c she did have a growing following of admiring fans eager to pass along information. 

Okay, with the reconnaissance complete and the competitive intelligence in place, what next.  “Well,” says Sarah, “I plan out the Black Friday very carefully and hit at least three or four major department stores before 9 a.m.  I am a seasoned shopper, so I'll only go after the very best deals, after comparing prices of course, for what I was planning to buy this season until I hit my mark, and then it is Katy bar the door."  With that said it looked as if sparks shot out of her mouth as she ground her teeth.  “Now, on Saturday we can sit in the return goods line to see if anything we missed shows up there.  On Sunday, well, we will give thanks, in a restaurant.”

Sarah isn't alone in her quest for the holy grail of bargains. The Black Friday syndrome will entice approximately 138 million consumers to hit stores during the 2010 Thanksgiving holiday weekend.  138 million people shopping, is that amazing.  Is that why we are here?  And, is it worth it?  All of these people braving the lines (and weather) in the hope of scoring the best ‘deal’.  Out on the street those buying drugs aren’t even this addicted, are they?

How can this day be the best day of the year to shop?  Merchants do not ‘give’ items away, they entice consumers to spend.  And if you are one of the 138 million, well, the odds are, you are spending.  Who wins? 

According to experts, this one day of the year is not really the best shopping experience of your life, just like picking up that tenth cigarette of the day.  It is no better for you than the first, but when the urge hits, you have to have it.  When the Lemmings start to move, there is nothing that will prevent them from jumping.  Who is moving on Black Friday? 

NOTE:  For those who don’t do their competitive intelligence in a longitudinal dimension,  the competitive climate in which retailers have operated during the past few years has forced them to offer deep discounts throughout the holiday season, most notably on the Saturday before Christmas or on Cyber Monday

Now, if a top bargain is offered, how many really exist?  “Lead them in with their wallets ready, and they will buy…, even if it is not what they want.”  This is a Mantra used by the Marketeering Advocate General.  The chances of scoring a ‘top bargain’ are, like playing the lottery, slim to none… BUT if you don’t play you can’t win, right?

And how do you get them in the store?  When Lemmings jump, they all jump.  If you aren’t there, any bargain advertised is gone by noon, and then the advertised prices disappear, “You muggles know nothing!” 

It is a short window of opportunity, from about 4 a.m., when the stores first open, until noon, after that the marketing gurus know that consumers who purchased items on sale and lingered in the store, or missed out on door-buster sales will spend on items that weren't on their wish lists.

Now, do you have to get up early to hit the stores by 4 a.m.?  After eating Turkey it is hard to get up early and this is why Sarah has put off that inconvenience until Sunday.  But then, if you are holding Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant on a Sunday, well, you might not have to eat turkey at all now will you?

Keep doing that intelligence thing.  It appears that most stores are circling around uniform ‘sales’ prices for both on line and internet shoppers.  And, experts say, even when retailers have better offers waiting inside their retail stores, the savings for the consumer don't usually justify the early morning retail run.

So why, why do you have to get up early to go shopping when you could have shopped the week before or the week after?   Do you really need It?  And this raises the question, “What is Christmas, or in a more general concept, for several religions share this time of year, what do these holidays mean?”

The idea that one isn’t really winning on Black Friday isn't likely to dissuade shoppers from lining up outside their favorite stores the day after Thanksgiving.  The lure of deals apparently appears to be a secondary trigger.  What really drives the consumers in droves is the social component.  And aren’t Lemmings social animals?

 “We shop,” admits Sarah in a moment of clarity, “because other people shop.  Just like I force my husband to take me out to dinner on Valentines day; because everyone else does.”  Then she grinds her teeth again and like before, sparks emerge, “And hell if I am going to miss out bargains others score.”  

For Sarah, Black Friday is about creating memories, “I have some good stories to tell, yes indeed, like the time I carried over one hundred…”

It appears that Black Friday has really become a tradition for a lot of people, and people do like to have tradition based stories to tell, no? 

But what about that religious group that so many years ago moved a particular birthday over a few months?  Why?  Perhaps with the birthday positioned in late December it would help them eclipse other beliefs, but who really knows why.  However, with that said, we do know that now the sellers of product  are managing to have their own beliefs supersede any definition of what the holidays really meant no matter which denomination (social or religious) you once adhered to.  Only in America? 

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

Select clubs; They are not for everyone.

If you were to run into a member of a very select club like “Those who travel with well paid entourages” entering the old Madolf apartment on the upper east side and have the [choose your label; nerve, audacity, stupidity, etc.] to ask that person “what have you done/created for me lately” he will probably answer that you will have to talk with his agent/manager/aide/VP.  But if you bring along a dance troupe then of course he will provide the same rejoinder, after he manages a move or two with the troupe. 

It is more likely though that before you get a chance to question said member of the select club the traveling entourage will have called in the Marshalls (Penny, Franklin, Tucker and Local) who will then swing by and ask you to leave, you see, an auction was in the works and your class was not invited.

Now, the recognizable face isn’t going to put in a bid on the luxurious penthouse apartment, no, he is just there to support another world leader, a Kahn so to speak, who needs to set up a consulate in the one city in the world that can give him personal access to the world leaders.  Of course Kahn also has an entourage and so as the head count increases the room for individual movement goes in reverse and the city is forced to call in crowd control and ask for additional funds to do so.  While the city raises taxes to meet the need the Kahn will also be expected to raise more funds to support his habit of supporting members of the Select Club, which means he will divert money from investments to do so.

The Select Club is very select in its membership and having two in the same building on the same day, well, it was almost a quorum and so they invited a few additional members who were jetting through the neighborhood, Miley (what an entourage she had, and each had to carry a pole), George (everyone in his group held up the left hallway), Bill (his group stuck to the foundation), Warren (his group tried to hide as they invested themselves in the brick and mortar), Michaele (she had a few housewives with her and a film crew), and Oprah (who had to video in because she was taking seven thousand winners to China).  By the time the invitee’s were assembled they somehow had more than the yearly allotment of club memberships in the room.   The updated membership list had seemed to vanish after Michaele entered and so they couldn’t officially disinvite anyone.

The member you almost had a chance to meet outside the apartment, who was also the Select Leader, was about to take the lead and start the meeting when he had to ask for a recess.  Then he picked up his i-phone and called for Reggie, “I need my damn i-stuff Reggie.”  Of course with the combined entourages spilling out through the halls and maximum loading the elevators (now they knew how many holes it took to fill the old Madolf hall) Reggie was hard to find, and this is what can happen when you need everyone on site.  The person assigned to carry the i-books gets lost in the crowd.  Of course a new bill was quickly passed so that an external elevator was built to allow for Select-Select access to the building and once completed Reggie was quickly lifted to the appropriate level to deliver his package.

           

“Love you Reg…” the Select Leader intoned.

When the meeting was finally complete (about ten minutes or so later) and the crowd dispersed to their awaiting armadas and the one remaining member, Kahn, was now officially an owner of the fiefdom he took a look around and, with the aid of his team of nearby accountants, quickly reassessed the value of his property.

“Well the new elevator is nice,” the chief accountant relayed while the tabulating members of his crew continued their work, “and very efficient, but it seems to me that the property value will, well it will not be what it was when you placed the bid.”

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on http://www.comicfictionnoir.com/.

Saverio buried a bunch of key words in this particular blog like the title of his book; By Any Means.  He also threw in a bunch of other key words like thriller, murder, mystery, traumatic brain injury, comic, Canada, detective, author, artist, philosophical, writer, intrigue, fiction books, human condition, see if you can find them.  If you can’t don’t worry, in today’s age of ‘linking’, no document is complete until you follow the links.  Try it.