An Author's Life

When not writing Saverio spends time sticking needles into a caricature of Douglas Adams cursing the day he first read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.  Saverio no longer cares what the answer is (42), he is too busy trying to figure out the question using 'how' as the preface, not 'why'. 

When first gainfully employed, Saverio dragged his wife and later, growing family, around the U.S., with a pitstop in Quebec too, as he strove to make meaningful advances in the bio-pharmaceutical arena.  When not working, or playing with his children, or shoveling snow (think Canada not Texas), or writing articles for science journals in the wee small hours of the morning he either read a book or fell asleep.  If he listed all those tomes here, he would probably put each of you to sleep too.  A synopsis is this; start with Joseph Conrad, skip two pages, find Georges Simenon, skip to the last page (about two more pages in) and you will see Dashiell Hammett, Farley Mowat, Colin Dexter, Styron, Rowling, and finally Louise Penny.  I am very happy a friend turned me on to Penny’s work.

What was all that gibberish about?  Simple ... go read a book.  It's like health food and it can make you smile.

Black Friday on Turkey

What is the difference between a Lemming and an American?  Not much.  One Lemming says jump and what happens?  One American tells you to buy and…, everyone jumps.

How many Americans will stand in long lines, bustle about in overcrowded stores and brave the winter weather in hopes of, of what?  Getting the best deal?  If you are in the store buying, or shopping on line, well the best deal was already obtained, by the one telling you to jump.

Take for example an experienced shopping aficionado, Sarah, who, like most of the country, is very concerned about the upper class tax break.  “Hell,” she said, “make them pay!”  Of course this is not Sarah Palin who used to live in the same socioeconomic strata as this Sarah, before, that is, the political Sarah learned marketing 101 and joined the upper echelon.  No, this Sarah was, like most Americans, of the subaltern class, and also like most, was responsive to one and only one ruling class, those who hold the marketing strings.  But this Sarah had a plan, a plan to make her hard earned dollars go farther (i.e. buy more). 

"We're having Thanksgiving on Sunday,” she told her clan, “so we'll have the whole day Thursday to rest up, and by rest up I mean get those fingers stretched because on Thursday we sit down and…, crank up the internet.”  After all, to go shopping one does need to do research, and if the research wasn’t on line it was on Twit b/c she did have a growing following of admiring fans eager to pass along information. 

Okay, with the reconnaissance complete and the competitive intelligence in place, what next.  “Well,” says Sarah, “I plan out the Black Friday very carefully and hit at least three or four major department stores before 9 a.m.  I am a seasoned shopper, so I'll only go after the very best deals, after comparing prices of course, for what I was planning to buy this season until I hit my mark, and then it is Katy bar the door."  With that said it looked as if sparks shot out of her mouth as she ground her teeth.  “Now, on Saturday we can sit in the return goods line to see if anything we missed shows up there.  On Sunday, well, we will give thanks, in a restaurant.”

Sarah isn't alone in her quest for the holy grail of bargains. The Black Friday syndrome will entice approximately 138 million consumers to hit stores during the 2010 Thanksgiving holiday weekend.  138 million people shopping, is that amazing.  Is that why we are here?  And, is it worth it?  All of these people braving the lines (and weather) in the hope of scoring the best ‘deal’.  Out on the street those buying drugs aren’t even this addicted, are they?

How can this day be the best day of the year to shop?  Merchants do not ‘give’ items away, they entice consumers to spend.  And if you are one of the 138 million, well, the odds are, you are spending.  Who wins? 

According to experts, this one day of the year is not really the best shopping experience of your life, just like picking up that tenth cigarette of the day.  It is no better for you than the first, but when the urge hits, you have to have it.  When the Lemmings start to move, there is nothing that will prevent them from jumping.  Who is moving on Black Friday? 

NOTE:  For those who don’t do their competitive intelligence in a longitudinal dimension,  the competitive climate in which retailers have operated during the past few years has forced them to offer deep discounts throughout the holiday season, most notably on the Saturday before Christmas or on Cyber Monday

Now, if a top bargain is offered, how many really exist?  “Lead them in with their wallets ready, and they will buy…, even if it is not what they want.”  This is a Mantra used by the Marketeering Advocate General.  The chances of scoring a ‘top bargain’ are, like playing the lottery, slim to none… BUT if you don’t play you can’t win, right?

And how do you get them in the store?  When Lemmings jump, they all jump.  If you aren’t there, any bargain advertised is gone by noon, and then the advertised prices disappear, “You muggles know nothing!” 

It is a short window of opportunity, from about 4 a.m., when the stores first open, until noon, after that the marketing gurus know that consumers who purchased items on sale and lingered in the store, or missed out on door-buster sales will spend on items that weren't on their wish lists.

Now, do you have to get up early to hit the stores by 4 a.m.?  After eating Turkey it is hard to get up early and this is why Sarah has put off that inconvenience until Sunday.  But then, if you are holding Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant on a Sunday, well, you might not have to eat turkey at all now will you?

Keep doing that intelligence thing.  It appears that most stores are circling around uniform ‘sales’ prices for both on line and internet shoppers.  And, experts say, even when retailers have better offers waiting inside their retail stores, the savings for the consumer don't usually justify the early morning retail run.

So why, why do you have to get up early to go shopping when you could have shopped the week before or the week after?   Do you really need It?  And this raises the question, “What is Christmas, or in a more general concept, for several religions share this time of year, what do these holidays mean?”

The idea that one isn’t really winning on Black Friday isn't likely to dissuade shoppers from lining up outside their favorite stores the day after Thanksgiving.  The lure of deals apparently appears to be a secondary trigger.  What really drives the consumers in droves is the social component.  And aren’t Lemmings social animals?

 “We shop,” admits Sarah in a moment of clarity, “because other people shop.  Just like I force my husband to take me out to dinner on Valentines day; because everyone else does.”  Then she grinds her teeth again and like before, sparks emerge, “And hell if I am going to miss out bargains others score.”  

For Sarah, Black Friday is about creating memories, “I have some good stories to tell, yes indeed, like the time I carried over one hundred…”

It appears that Black Friday has really become a tradition for a lot of people, and people do like to have tradition based stories to tell, no? 

But what about that religious group that so many years ago moved a particular birthday over a few months?  Why?  Perhaps with the birthday positioned in late December it would help them eclipse other beliefs, but who really knows why.  However, with that said, we do know that now the sellers of product  are managing to have their own beliefs supersede any definition of what the holidays really meant no matter which denomination (social or religious) you once adhered to.  Only in America? 

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

Select clubs; They are not for everyone.

If you were to run into a member of a very select club like “Those who travel with well paid entourages” entering the old Madolf apartment on the upper east side and have the [choose your label; nerve, audacity, stupidity, etc.] to ask that person “what have you done/created for me lately” he will probably answer that you will have to talk with his agent/manager/aide/VP.  But if you bring along a dance troupe then of course he will provide the same rejoinder, after he manages a move or two with the troupe. 

It is more likely though that before you get a chance to question said member of the select club the traveling entourage will have called in the Marshalls (Penny, Franklin, Tucker and Local) who will then swing by and ask you to leave, you see, an auction was in the works and your class was not invited.

Now, the recognizable face isn’t going to put in a bid on the luxurious penthouse apartment, no, he is just there to support another world leader, a Kahn so to speak, who needs to set up a consulate in the one city in the world that can give him personal access to the world leaders.  Of course Kahn also has an entourage and so as the head count increases the room for individual movement goes in reverse and the city is forced to call in crowd control and ask for additional funds to do so.  While the city raises taxes to meet the need the Kahn will also be expected to raise more funds to support his habit of supporting members of the Select Club, which means he will divert money from investments to do so.

The Select Club is very select in its membership and having two in the same building on the same day, well, it was almost a quorum and so they invited a few additional members who were jetting through the neighborhood, Miley (what an entourage she had, and each had to carry a pole), George (everyone in his group held up the left hallway), Bill (his group stuck to the foundation), Warren (his group tried to hide as they invested themselves in the brick and mortar), Michaele (she had a few housewives with her and a film crew), and Oprah (who had to video in because she was taking seven thousand winners to China).  By the time the invitee’s were assembled they somehow had more than the yearly allotment of club memberships in the room.   The updated membership list had seemed to vanish after Michaele entered and so they couldn’t officially disinvite anyone.

The member you almost had a chance to meet outside the apartment, who was also the Select Leader, was about to take the lead and start the meeting when he had to ask for a recess.  Then he picked up his i-phone and called for Reggie, “I need my damn i-stuff Reggie.”  Of course with the combined entourages spilling out through the halls and maximum loading the elevators (now they knew how many holes it took to fill the old Madolf hall) Reggie was hard to find, and this is what can happen when you need everyone on site.  The person assigned to carry the i-books gets lost in the crowd.  Of course a new bill was quickly passed so that an external elevator was built to allow for Select-Select access to the building and once completed Reggie was quickly lifted to the appropriate level to deliver his package.

           

“Love you Reg…” the Select Leader intoned.

When the meeting was finally complete (about ten minutes or so later) and the crowd dispersed to their awaiting armadas and the one remaining member, Kahn, was now officially an owner of the fiefdom he took a look around and, with the aid of his team of nearby accountants, quickly reassessed the value of his property.

“Well the new elevator is nice,” the chief accountant relayed while the tabulating members of his crew continued their work, “and very efficient, but it seems to me that the property value will, well it will not be what it was when you placed the bid.”

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on http://www.comicfictionnoir.com/.

Saverio buried a bunch of key words in this particular blog like the title of his book; By Any Means.  He also threw in a bunch of other key words like thriller, murder, mystery, traumatic brain injury, comic, Canada, detective, author, artist, philosophical, writer, intrigue, fiction books, human condition, see if you can find them.  If you can’t don’t worry, in today’s age of ‘linking’, no document is complete until you follow the links.  Try it.

Once upon a time there was a train.

Well now…, what to do, what to do, what to do.  The World Series is over and there is no Football on TV tonight (of course I don’t get ESPN so I don’t really know that), and my pro basketball team just won its first and probably only game of the season (I follow these games on the internet), college basketball is still a little ways off, so maybe I’ll just write a blog.  Oh wait!  It’s election night.  Now that is something I can watch on TV.  No, no, I don’t get the cable news shows (basic cable is so yesterday isn’t it?  Anyone want to lend me some money?), I wonder if it is still on any of the local stations…., this is Tuesday still isn’t it?  I have to check this out.

Yes I’m a junkie and now I just gotta go check in on the new sport in town…, watching the races…, political races.  Oh, oh, this is great, there they are now rounding the bend.  Look, with all of this action I don’t have time to write a blog so I will just leave you with a page or two of the first book I wrote a few years back.  It is not yet published, but let me know what you think.

The title of the book (this can change) is called ‘Getting Even… Almost’ and I’ve pasted in the first page or so of the first chapter.

Have fun.

Saverio

Chapter One:  Once upon a time there was a train.

The low rumble of three thousand plus, slightly out-of-tune horses could be felt as well as heard well before the train made its appearance.  A young girl on platform four viewed the underground station with suspicion as her knees began knocking together and the vibration in her stomach matched that of the support pillar she was leaning against.  When her jaw started to rattle, she move closer to the track to peer up the tunnel, but that was too much for her grandmother to bear.  The older woman elbowed her husband, who picked up on his cue after the second jab and leaped into action.  The elderly gentleman snagged his granddaughter gently, but firmly, by the elbow while pointing down to the tracks beneath the platform and said “You don’t want to fall in, do you?”

Emma didn’t answer, but did look to where his finger pointed, observing the trash strewn amongst the ties.  Following the line of track into the tunnel, she spotted particulate matter of all sorts floating on the air currents that rippled in and out of the pillars.  She thought of a television cartoon her brother liked, where young children rode surf boards beneath a jetty.  As she watched, pieces of old newspaper mixed with torn cellophane wrappers reflected the tunnel light back into the dust, creating ethereal bodies that seemed to float on the incoming tide.  Along with the ghosts came plastic drinking cup tops, straws, wadded up cigarette packages and other assorted detritus being pushed into the station by the approaching train.

Emma stood at the edge of the platform with anticipation building inside her to a point where she had to cross her legs and hold tight.  When the engine finally swung through the final curve, she sucked in a deep breath and held it while leaning out over the track as far as her grandfather’s grip allowed.  She could clearly see the bright swath of light cut by the high beam slowly align with the tracks.  Now only the headlight could be seen, getting larger and larger, and straining, so it seemed, to stay just ahead of the rolling thunder. 

Unfortunately, as the train continuously decelerated it took longer to actually arrive at the platform than she had calculated.  And when it finally did arrive, it was a bit of a letdown for the girl.  An old diesel, with worn Amtrak livery, seemed to ooze out of the tunnel, pulling the Pennsylvanian behind.  Because of the bustle upstairs in the station - the kiosks, shoe shine stand, people moving hurriedly from one point to another and the sounds of the powerful engines below on the platforms reverberating throughout, mixed with the clanging bells, plus the loudspeakers announcing arrivals and departures – she had expected a little more. 

“What a pile of junk!” Emma thought as she finally exhaled and placed her hands over her ears.  The engine passed by, swaying slightly, its brakes squealing.  When it had completely stopped, the nose of the engine was buried ten yards into the exit tunnel.  In what seemed to be by pure chance though, the various cars aligned perfectly with their prearranged unloading positions. 

That is all for tonight… let me know what you think of the opening to Getting Even… Almost.

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

How’s the weather?

How's the weather?  That seems like and easy question, right?  A good way to start a conversation or exchange pleasantries with someone you don't know as you pass them on the street, “Hey, how’s the weather?”  Very simple, very neat, very efficient.

And usually simple responses will fill the air, mostly aimed at avoiding further conversation.

“Nice.”  Or,

“It sure is warm today.”  Or,

“Wet, real wet.”

Some people aren’t really sure and let you know, “Humid, I think.”

Others are darn sure, “Shitty.”

Some like to hedge their bets, "Not to bad,” or

“Not to good.”

Then there are some in another dimension, “Tomorrow, tomorrow, it'll be sunny tomorrow, it's only a day away.”

You also invariably come across the person who cannot answer a question without asking one, “Today?” And this throws a little confusion into the mix, so you counter the returned question with, “What do you mean Today? How can the weather be today?”

“That’s what I asked you.  Do you want to know how the weather is today?”
And this of course was not the time trap discussion you wanted when asking the simple question in passing.  So your tone gets a little less polite, “Well hell yeah that’s what I mean!”

Which causes what appears to be a non sequitur to emerge from the other end of the conversation, “Kiss my ass.”

And the list can go on and on.  But if one stops for a moment and gives it some thought, the question 'How is the weather', also, in a microcosm, exemplifies that which leads to so much trouble.  That is; differences in opinion.  Again, passing someone on the street, or beginning a conversation on the phone will get you the quick, defined response.  But as Gandlalf says (paraphrased); "What exactly does ‘Good Morning’ mean?  Is it a morning in which the weather is fine, or a morning in which you have been good?"  And if the rhetoric depends on the tone of voice, try it in Chinese.

So, is the weather condition a matter of opinion too, or just the meteorological readouts?  As in, if the sun is shining bright is it a good day for a tanning session?  Now that does depend on several variables, like climate, one’s opinion, and the human condition itself.  For example, if asked, ‘How is the weather’, on a bright sun-filled day one needs to quickly add in the temperature, barometric pressure, geographic location and the mental condition of both parties as one can see in the following scenario. 

In this example two friends are enjoying standing outside in the sunshine when the one leaning left turns to the other and says, “I think I will try for an all over tan…”

“You mean?” His friend, who is slightly more to the right, asks.

“That's right, I’ll just strip right down to my undies and…,” After all, what can one say if they don’t have a bathing suit handy? 

“You have no suit!” the right leaner slurs at his friend, finally finishing his statement from the precdeing line.

“I’m using the next best thing, right,” the lefy spats over at the man to his right who was still leaning in that direction.

The one incredulous on the whole topic of stripping down to underwear has to ask, “Here?”

“Why not?”

“Well, I guess my concern is, well,” before finishing he has to slurped a bit of drool back into his mouth and then remember what he wanted to say, “it has to do with all the people.” 

“I’m an exhibitionist, what can I say.”  Truth be told, he wasn’t really an exhibitionist unless he had a bit too much to drink, which he had.

“And the traffic…”

“Oh yeah, there are a lot of cars, I see your point, it might be dangerous, someone zooming by and getting distracted by my dangling participle thing…”

The less inebriated of the two continues trying to dissuade his buddy as first one piece of clothing, then another, hits the ground, “Perhaps it would be better to go to a beach or something like that?”

Then, like a bolt of lighting on a clear sunny day like it was, the half naked man begins to rethink his situation, “You know what, I think I’ll wait for the weather to warm up a bit.  Do you mind picking up my coat?  It is cold as shit out here and I really must put it back on."  Then, remembering one more thing he continuces, "Do you have any more beer?”

 Sunbathing itself depends upon the degree of sunshine, the external temperature, the LOCATION (usually) and then the individual involved.  How many of the older crowd needs to pay homage to the sun on a routine basis?  Live in a warmer climate, sure, but cover up with layer after layer of sun block and then sit in it for hours at at time like teenagers…, well maybe a lot of them do.  So the question then becomes is it better to bathe in the sun in the South of France or some shore point in New Jersey. 

And this brings one to an even more philosophical type question, “What do you like to look at?”

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

Saverio buried a bunch of key words in this particular blog like the title of his book; By Any Means.  He also threw in many other key words like thriller, murder, mystery, traumatic brain injury, comic, Canada, detective, author, artist, philosophical, writer, intrigue, fiction books, and human condition.  See how many of them you can find them.  If you can’t find them all, don’t worry, in today’s age of ‘linking’, no document is complete until you follow the thread.  Try it. 

murder is not aways pretty but it can be funny

The first ever post by Saverio Monachino (http://www.comicfictionnoir.com/) is just an advertisement for his radio interview with the Authors Show on October 13 (http://www.theauthorsshow.com/).  After this, all the posts will be..., well different.

Author Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'. He deftly uses humor to open discussion on important human issues. By Any Means is his latest thriller novel

Author Saverio Monachino will appear on The Authors Show on October 13, 2010, to discuss his latest thriller novel, By Any Means. The show can be accessed at www.TheAuthorsShow.com.

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Dr. Monachino describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.

"I wrote the book," stated Dr. Monachino, "because after publishing on scientific topics in peer reviewed journals for a number of years I wanted a chance to, like newspaper columnists, just give my opinion.  In this way my point of view can be used and we can just leave the facts out of it, and of course this method is a lot more fun, and a bit easier.  In By Any Means I translate, to the best of my abilities, my vision of the three dimensional world around us and use this treatise to help people see, as I do, the important things in life and how they are clouded or misdirected by the social conditions around us."

While it can be said that Saverio's book are funny, the issues he discusses are real.  The humor in By Any Means alternates between simple and subtle.  It also uses the comic take on noir fiction to 'explore motive involving murder, the conflict between true religious belief and cultism, and deeply felt, sensitive, emotional family values.” 

"Readers will enjoy this book," continued Dr. Monachino, " because, as a reviewer in Virginia posted:  'Comic? Yes, and the comedy is truly both deep and subtle. A mystery? Indeed, a murder mystery but those pages seem to cover the deeper mystery investigated by the author. It is obvious that By Any Means has gone to great lengths to open up more important questions than just who killed who as one begins to see the outlay of dysfunctional family dynamics, its development and picturesque guides to finding the right way to reconnect.'"

Dr. Monachino will be appearing on The Authors Show on October 13, 2010. He is available for media interview and can be contacted using the information below or by email at r1234f56r@yahoo.com. More information is available at his website.