To Leak or Not to Wikileak, that is the question.

What is a little leak amongst friends?

Just the other day I took a little leak, and with a weak bladder that is a weaki-leak, right?  So what, you ask, ya gotta go, ya gotta go. And that basically was my take on things as well.  I had to go, so I went.  I didn’t try for a secret release, but then again I wasn’t trying to go public either.  Needless to say I was caught by a very smart assed little guy who ran to the owner of the house and well…, he leaked too.  My neighbor didn’t like the news.

“What in the name of everything right are you doin’ on my grass,” he slurred.

“What the hell are you upset about,” I responded, trying to make him see that my mistake landed just to the left of his property, “This is my yard, and in the name of everything usual, my dog pisses on your lawn all the time.  Why don’t you get mad at her?”

“And she craps on it too…” he added as he took out a dog biscuit and fed my dog.

Well this started a heated debate about the balance of nature.  Like when my dog leaves a small excrement of her own in someone’s yard, but eats well over half her body weight in deer poop which way is the ecological balance shifting?   Now don’t get me started on the problem of natures natural wrecking machines.  You know what I’m talking about, no matter what I plant the deer eat it, and then leave fertilizer for next year’s crop.  And now we can talk about the overpopulation problem too.  As in; there are too many deer in our neighborhood.  I mean how in the world can there be more deer in New Jersey now than when the state was first populated by Europeans?  It must have something to do with that damn state sponsored low income housing mandate.  But I wont get into that discussion right now, it’s too political. 

Anyway, just like that, the argument with my neighbor moved off of my own problem with leaking things out of my hidden vault before I could even get my fly up and onto other things that had been in all of the headlines, if anyone actually read those anymore.  In this state of current events discussion it is always advantageous to argue with a neighbor after they’ve had their aperitif(s), and my neighbor definitely had all of his.

You know the first thing that was on his mind, besides my watering his flowers (which I wasn’t, it landed on my property and later I will take my damn surveyor’s map over to his house and if he doesn’t give me some of whatever he was drinking I’ll shove the whole thing…, oh, where was I.  Yes, I remember, it was that bit about GOOGLE sending all their assets off sore to avoid taxes. Well, that neighbor of mine he starts telling me about how his investment in Google had done very well to date, in fact he may soon be moving to a house at the top of the hill, and then he lets me know that Google is doing the right thing, avoiding those stupid corporate taxes and growing their business and all I can do is try to calculate how many US companies have parked their money off shore, and then add in the number of rich people who do the same and after using some fractal geometry (kudos to Benoit Mandelbrot, he was a pioneer), I am able to recalculate the oft misinterpreted dept relationship to the GDP as it should be if those very large companies actually paid taxes. 

My neighbor wasn’t interested in lowering his taxes for some reason.  I think it is because he is trying to get his app (app is short for application, like if you are making a request for money, or approbate, if you like something, or aperitif if it is late in the afternoon) bought by Google or some other such conglomerate.

Anyway, as the dog sat in his yard looking for sticks and deer poop without having to move anymore (a full stomach will do that to a dog) the conversation/argument turned to other news, like how both the Democrats and the Republicans are already claiming victory in the latest round of elections.  Of course the elections are still over a week away so perhaps these are prognostications instead of claims?  Or, as the Druids might say, “we prophesized that one, eh?”  So does this mean that our elected officials are Druids?  Do Druids float?  We can always try that ‘witches’ trial thing from Monty Python on them now, can’t we.  On the elected officials, not the Druids, and see if they…, Sorry I digressed again. 

Another hot topic of the day was about the little Wiki guy who likes to take leaks, or is that he likes to take your leaks for you.  And on this topic my neighbor gave me an earful again for leaking on his grass because in English it is so hard to grasp the correct connotation of words with multiple uses.  And me, I just wanted to catch the little tweeter who gave me away, I’ll, I’ll take my next one a little closer to his home. 

Anyway this Wiki guy gets on TV for taking a leak and then some of those who, like my neighbor don’t like this type of activity, start to harangue, oh, the shame, the shame.  Leave him alone because he, like me, has an active bladder.

Now apparently WikiLeaks was established way, way back in 2006 by a guy named Julian Assange, "a male with a near genius IQ" say some.  According to a major newspaper that seems to have a penchant for listing a bit to one side of the political view and reports its news that way as well, this male Assange redefined "whistle-blowing” as he gathered up all the whistles in the neighborhood and then published his own map which details how to find a whistle.  In doing this he gathered up everyone’s stuff, hid them beyond the reach of parents and others determined to retrieve them, then releases the map instantly, and globally, to watch the return on his investment pour in (read: advertisement and ‘charitable’ donations).

Now, now, Mr. Genius IQ, do you know “War is Hell” (I wish I had made that one up).  That phrase unfortunately is very, very true.  And if this male near genius IQ had paid attention in school he would have learned this.  If he cared about the information he is disseminating it might serve him well to actually read his history books.  War is hell, always has been, and it has been going on for quite a while.  Does Mr. Assange know that recent problems in the Middle East aren’t really recent, and to put a time frame into play well, the dawn of recorded history would be needed?  Can he please leak that information?  But, if one takes a more focused view of turbulent times then the time frame in question encompasses the dissolution of the Ottoman Empire after WWI.  But he must have known this, everyone does.  And in the same manner, if one reads a report on battlefield casualties, well, everyone knows that you have to add a multiplier or two because, well here we go again; War is Hell.

If Mr. Assange wanted to do something really New and really Different then he would steal the whistles from all sides conducting the argument du jour.  If a man likes to leak as much as Mr. Assange says he does, then let us see him leak that tidy bit of Balanced reporting.  Oh, there is an article or two from his latest stolen pile which tells that yes, the other side is causing some problems as well, but lets face it, he really is just leaking on one side of the situation without putting the geopolitics into perspective.  Can Mr. Assange tap into the data bases of, say…, Iran, or China, or heck maybe one or more of those countries in South Asia that likes to leak on their neighbors as they stool on their populace?  Wouldn’t that be a real nice thing?  After all WikiLeaks is a not-for-profit media organization with a goal of bringing important news and information to the public.  Now, if they only leak on one side of the story what makes them different from an organization with a particular political twist?  Let us see if the near genius IQ guy has male cajones and gets info from ALL sources.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  And different?  Yes it would be different, one might even say unique, and very interesting, and one would probably have to be a genius to do that.  Now, if he spent his time trying to figure a way to bring education to the suppressed masses in these countries, well that would be nice too, and genius.

 Wiki-leakies tell everyone that they provide an innovative, secure and anonymous way for sources to leak information to the company journalists.  But why have we not heard of any news that one skilled in art (read: able to discern information from input data without needing a tell all book) didn’t already know, like from other sides of the conflicts that aren’t occidental in origin?  Or better yet, an explanation of the last season of LOST.  Did they die in the crash in season one, or die after the bomb goes off at the end of season five?   

But again, I digress, the blame really is on the intelligence communities who have no trouble finding where the male Assange lives, but still cannot find that bin Laden guy.

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

Saverio buried a bunch of key words in this particular blog like the title of his book; By Any Means.  He also threw in a bunch of other key words like thriller, murder, mystery, traumatic brain injury, comic, Canada, detective, author, artist, philosophical, writer, intrigue, fiction books, human condition, see if you can find them.  If you can’t don’t worry, in today’s age of ‘linking’, no document is complete until you follow the links.  Try it.

How’s the weather?

How's the weather?  That seems like and easy question, right?  A good way to start a conversation or exchange pleasantries with someone you don't know as you pass them on the street, “Hey, how’s the weather?”  Very simple, very neat, very efficient.

And usually simple responses will fill the air, mostly aimed at avoiding further conversation.

“Nice.”  Or,

“It sure is warm today.”  Or,

“Wet, real wet.”

Some people aren’t really sure and let you know, “Humid, I think.”

Others are darn sure, “Shitty.”

Some like to hedge their bets, "Not to bad,” or

“Not to good.”

Then there are some in another dimension, “Tomorrow, tomorrow, it'll be sunny tomorrow, it's only a day away.”

You also invariably come across the person who cannot answer a question without asking one, “Today?” And this throws a little confusion into the mix, so you counter the returned question with, “What do you mean Today? How can the weather be today?”

“That’s what I asked you.  Do you want to know how the weather is today?”
And this of course was not the time trap discussion you wanted when asking the simple question in passing.  So your tone gets a little less polite, “Well hell yeah that’s what I mean!”

Which causes what appears to be a non sequitur to emerge from the other end of the conversation, “Kiss my ass.”

And the list can go on and on.  But if one stops for a moment and gives it some thought, the question 'How is the weather', also, in a microcosm, exemplifies that which leads to so much trouble.  That is; differences in opinion.  Again, passing someone on the street, or beginning a conversation on the phone will get you the quick, defined response.  But as Gandlalf says (paraphrased); "What exactly does ‘Good Morning’ mean?  Is it a morning in which the weather is fine, or a morning in which you have been good?"  And if the rhetoric depends on the tone of voice, try it in Chinese.

So, is the weather condition a matter of opinion too, or just the meteorological readouts?  As in, if the sun is shining bright is it a good day for a tanning session?  Now that does depend on several variables, like climate, one’s opinion, and the human condition itself.  For example, if asked, ‘How is the weather’, on a bright sun-filled day one needs to quickly add in the temperature, barometric pressure, geographic location and the mental condition of both parties as one can see in the following scenario. 

In this example two friends are enjoying standing outside in the sunshine when the one leaning left turns to the other and says, “I think I will try for an all over tan…”

“You mean?” His friend, who is slightly more to the right, asks.

“That's right, I’ll just strip right down to my undies and…,” After all, what can one say if they don’t have a bathing suit handy? 

“You have no suit!” the right leaner slurs at his friend, finally finishing his statement from the precdeing line.

“I’m using the next best thing, right,” the lefy spats over at the man to his right who was still leaning in that direction.

The one incredulous on the whole topic of stripping down to underwear has to ask, “Here?”

“Why not?”

“Well, I guess my concern is, well,” before finishing he has to slurped a bit of drool back into his mouth and then remember what he wanted to say, “it has to do with all the people.” 

“I’m an exhibitionist, what can I say.”  Truth be told, he wasn’t really an exhibitionist unless he had a bit too much to drink, which he had.

“And the traffic…”

“Oh yeah, there are a lot of cars, I see your point, it might be dangerous, someone zooming by and getting distracted by my dangling participle thing…”

The less inebriated of the two continues trying to dissuade his buddy as first one piece of clothing, then another, hits the ground, “Perhaps it would be better to go to a beach or something like that?”

Then, like a bolt of lighting on a clear sunny day like it was, the half naked man begins to rethink his situation, “You know what, I think I’ll wait for the weather to warm up a bit.  Do you mind picking up my coat?  It is cold as shit out here and I really must put it back on."  Then, remembering one more thing he continuces, "Do you have any more beer?”

 Sunbathing itself depends upon the degree of sunshine, the external temperature, the LOCATION (usually) and then the individual involved.  How many of the older crowd needs to pay homage to the sun on a routine basis?  Live in a warmer climate, sure, but cover up with layer after layer of sun block and then sit in it for hours at at time like teenagers…, well maybe a lot of them do.  So the question then becomes is it better to bathe in the sun in the South of France or some shore point in New Jersey. 

And this brings one to an even more philosophical type question, “What do you like to look at?”

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

Saverio buried a bunch of key words in this particular blog like the title of his book; By Any Means.  He also threw in many other key words like thriller, murder, mystery, traumatic brain injury, comic, Canada, detective, author, artist, philosophical, writer, intrigue, fiction books, and human condition.  See how many of them you can find them.  If you can’t find them all, don’t worry, in today’s age of ‘linking’, no document is complete until you follow the thread.  Try it. 

How to have your dog take you for a walk

            The dog’s name is Maple, or érable if you want the original language.  Of course before ‘érable’ became Maple she was t’errible.  Some might say feisty but to me, well, she had acute ADHD.  “Don’t panic,” the wife says, “I’ll take her for training.”  Now, they are both infected with ADHD.  Good thing the dog has slowed down a bit over time, the wife, well she keeps on ticking, and kicking. 

When I write for some reason I am in need of help filling out character personalities, so to make it easy for myself I just add in those I know, like érable.  But when I’m not writing I’m walking, as in, the dog.  Nice on a sunny fall afternoon, much worse any other time.  But don’t worry, she is a well trained hound, so I was told.  All she does is sniff whatever smells extremely bad, and if it smells extremely, extremely bad, she eats it.  Or rolls in it, or barks at it, and occasionally does number two, which means I have to carefully scoop the number two up and place it into a nice neat carryall device until I can either dispose of it in my own personal garbage can, which in New Jersey we pay a steep price for weekly collection, or better, if no one is looking, deep into one of the neighbors yards. 

Now, if the dog isn’t rolling, or sniffing, or eating, or pooping, well then she, like the wife, is socializing.  They did go to the same school after all.  And man can she gossip, and sniff all the private parts, and beg, and get people to stroke her the right way, and of course get treats fed her by the neighbors so our home dietary plan goes out the window, and get pet some more, while all I can do is watch and wait.  Sorry, I digress.  Now was I talking about taking the dog for a walk or how I have to keep the wife company when she goes to the mall.  Life can get confusing at times.

            Of course walking the dog does get one lots of exposure to the lives of those who live nearby.  The dog lovers are obvious.  They are always outside, rain or shine, waiting for the princess dog to pass by so they can pay homage and give her dog biscuits or beef jerky if they want to make me really jealous.  And as they stroke the beast they give me the unabridged story of their daily adventure since the previous evening's discourse.  I, of course, now have a running chronology up to and including the day before, of each and every one who awaits the daily return.  But then there are the others too, those shy introverted inhabitants who prefer to keep their comings and goings quiet.  Those who one has to work to get gossip on, if one wasn't standing outside listening to the neighbors as they pet the dog.  So this too, like the dog biscuits, is force, which means the truth, if desired must be carefully extrapolated from what we do see and hear.

            In this regard one does have to sift through the incoming streams of information to set aside conjecture from fact.  After all, what do we really know about the man who lives alone and his backyard is hidden by a rather high solid fence?  He may not really be holding ritualistic Druid summer and winter solstice pageants, though there does appear to be a lot of hot tub use on certain days of the month that coincide with the owner’s craigslist blast solicitation for help cleaning his bedroom.  Those dates usually coincide with payday, and while bedroom is in the query advance, most of the hard work seems to be spent, as mentioned, in the hot tub as the neighbors listen to them…, well no one can really say what they do back there, after all, there is no definite evidence for the practices and doctrines held by the druids – so, in reality we know virtually nothing of certainty about them. 

            But linking their philosophy to the ‘immortal’ nature of a man's soul is not something to take lightly.  After all, many religions originating in different geographic locals also bring the Pythagorean doctrine into play. 

Whatever that means I don’t know, but I do know that I am still pissed.  The last time the dog and I passed by the craigslist frequenting man the dog got a biscuit but I, try as I would, did not get an invitation to the next solstice celebration.

“Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.

How do you really dig deep into the news of the day?

How do you really dig deep into the news of the day?

            One of the problems with trying to use ‘comedy’ as a starting point is that not everyone has the same sense of humor.  So, if you don’t think it is funny, just switch to the serious points in this thesis.

            Another major problem for one wishing to blog is; what is there to talk about.  I mean really, look at the front pages of today’s internet based news reporting, let’s see, there is that war thing going on, well actually there are a lot of those going on, or hoping to go on, all around the globe.  That’s yesterday’s news really, right? Like when are those guys who try to sell newspapers going to get to the punch line, it has become like daytime soap operas, oh, by the way I am sad that ‘As the World Turns’ is finished.  I played sick a lot when I was younger so I could stay home from school and watch that one with my mom.

And is there another auto recall?  From BMW no less, now those guys made nice cars and motorcycles once upon a time, but who can afford a car these days anyway?  And why do we all need one… because like lemmings we let the few dictate the evolution of the social species.  Now we can network out the whazoo (anyone want to join my FaceBook tribe) and never leave home, unless we have to get in our car and drive out of the subdivision to buy some more beer.  Now why can’t someone invent home delivery for that?

Another headline reads “Koreas agree to a reunion of families separated by Korean War”.  Didn’t anyone in the writing or editing department of the new ‘on line’ news journals go to school?  It was the Korean conflict not the Korean war.  I hate the language thing, there are so many ways to send a message but one does have to be careful.  Sometimes word usage matters, like when you want to be correct, but thankfully it usually doesn’t, such as when you want to augment a political point of view.

This is becoming too serious, I’ll switch to the ‘on line travel section’ where you can embrace so much of the distant local with on the spot video access you never really have to leave you home, “Can you please deliver a large pizza with anchovies.”  I’ll be exploring the Galapagos Islands tonight.  Well, back to being serious again, I won’t be going to the Galapagos Islands, ever, not after those stupid ideas they planted into Darwin’s head.  I mean look what happens when you lay out on the beach with your beagle, beagles are great for sniffing out real babes, and have one too many margaritas.

After traveling around the states (the ones that are termed United, of course one of them was Texas and some there want to disunite) which brings me to Quebec.  I go there by taking a wrong turn.  Actually I loved living there and while there I got to learn a lot about local issues like the green mountain state (les montagnes vertes) and its neighbors in the new of the Hampshire’s and of course the main state will all, if given a little nudge, would secede from the Union and join Quebec in launching the new United Archaic Emirate.  They have so much in common (they say in Quebec) such as the entire region is inundated with rustic little villages and ski lodges with names that can be switch from English to French without skipping a beat.  Of course the Emirate would have a pass time that coincided with Easter where everyone would visit a sugar shack (cabine de sucre) and with the spring maple harvest in a bucket, happily lean over and lick syrup off each other’s body parts. “Don’t worry,” says Jim Gaffigan, “there is a bunny.”

Saverio Monachino's writing style has been termed by some as 'Kurt Vonnegut meets Mark Twain'.  Saverio describes it as 'comic fiction noir'. Regardless of the terms used, his attempt is to use humor to open the door to serious discussion about very important human issues.  You can find Saverio Monachino on www.comicfictionnoir.com.